February 11, 2013
Fr. McShane Named Interim Pope

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VATICAN CITY - Reacting quickly to Pope Benedict XVI’s announcement that he would be abdicating the papal throne, Vatican City officials have named Fordham University President Rev. Joseph McShane “Interim Pope”. He will serve as the head of the Roman Catholic Church until a new Pope is voted on later this Spring.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, His Holiness McShane expressed his excitement at the opportunity of being named the most powerful spiritual man on the planet, as well for his desire for change in the Roman Catholic Church.

"We have one of the best religions in the country," His Divine Eminence McShane was quoted saying, "but we need to beef up Catholicism’s athletics department if we want to expand and be taken seriously".

As his first order of business, His Lordship McShane has declared The New York Yankees no longer to be “America’s Team”, but “God’s Team” as well. He also declared that the acting Pope must throw the opening pitch at every home game.

To wrap up the press conference, His Ecclesiastical Excellency McShane announced that he is doing away with the “Pope Hat”, instead opting for a “Pope Helmet”. When pressed as to why, he responded, “The hat is too big for my head”.

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